Reflection

End of a crazy week, honestly it has been one bizarre week. Although now I'm bored & spending my time watching random videos online. I need motivation to start on assignments again 😂

Daily Motivation 

All my life I've been bullied, judged & discriminated because of my health needs. Labeled as 'disabled,' been told I won't achieve much. I've lost count of how many times during my secondary school years or college that I wanted to quit & if I was to say that it hasn't had any longer effect than it's a lie. Because mentally I've suffered because of all the trauma I went through. It took me a while to realise that how other people me is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves. I've learned to ignore the taunts, walked away from the bullies & kept going to prove people wrong. I'm not doing anything wrong, I'm living my life & doing everything that I love. Go ahead & judge me, I couldn't care less! 

Stop paying attention to those who constantly put you down, they're treatment is a reflection of how they see themselves ❤

Good Thoughts

This week started with appointments (again). With a messed up laptop, there's not much I can do. So I've been using my time listening to audiobooks. Have a pretty awesome selection 🙂

Daily Motivation 

I'm a positive person, always happy & smiling. More than often I have good thoughts or I try to anyway. Whenever I'm around people I let go of all the negative thoughts because I'm aware that if I have good thoughts they will shine out of my face like sunbeams & I will always look lovely! Good thoughts are easier to explain & I can smile through the day without pretending 🙂 

Always good thoughts! They will shine on your face & you'll look lovely ❤

Never Quit!

A busy week, but that's how I like!! Filled with appointments & assignments. Finished my essay & read an incredible book 😊

Daily Motivation 

Looking back there have been so many times I wanted to quit, many times I wanted to give up on everything. During those moments I couldn't see a way out or a brighter future. I've stumbled, fell flat on face, been through dark moments. Yet, I still carried on through everything. I didn't & never will quit. I stumble but I get back up & I know whatever happened yesterday no longer matter because today is another day so I'll get back on track & move closer to my dreams & goals. I know that despite everything, the good & bad, the horrible times & through my darkest days I can do it! Every time I stumble I'll get back up stronger than before! ❤

Never quit, no matter how bad it gets. You may stumble, get back up & carry on. You can do it! ❤

Past, Present & Future

Chilled Saturdays are always the best! I loved writing today & didn't realise how much I missed writing on paper since I left school. Take me back to the good times! 🙂

Daily Motivation 

I'm a reflector, always have been. Always looking back on the past, the good & bad times. Reminiscing on memories made. Never realising the impact it has on my present & possibly my future, so starting today I need to forget what's gone, leave my past where it is. Appreciate what still remains, focus on my present & live my life to the fullest! Look forward to what's coming next, I won't be afraid of my future. I'll take one step at a time & live in the now! I'm blessed, happy & grateful! ❤

You can't change your past, let it go. Live in the present & enjoy every moment! Don't worry about the future, it's not here yet ❤

Chances

Crazy last few days & yesterday ended with my macbook crashing & dying (not planning on getting it fixed again). It's time for a change....Whilst waiting for a new laptop I've been to audiobook & oddly enough falling asleep whilst listening. Hopefully that doesn't happen to me only, but to tell you the truth it has been relaxing! 

Daily Motivation 

I'm blessed to have had some wonderful opportunities, to be part of life changing experiences. Whether its personal or academic. Moving to a new country at a young age & settling into a whole new life is challenging enough, but with me those challenging kept building up. Towards the end of secondary education I was proud of everything I've achieved so far, unknown to me that it just the beginning of all the possibilities open to me! I jumped at every opportunity or experience presented to me because I knew that if I didn't then in the end I'll only regret the chances I didn't take! Every day I'm proud of all my achievements, academically & personally. I'll always jump to new opportunities or experiences! 

Grab each opportunity offered, go for that experience you want! You'll get the chances you didn't take! 

Beauty

There is nothing like friendship to make things seem bearable. I treasure my friends & their support means the world to me! 

Daily Motivation 

Perfection for me is overrated. I believe beauty is within ourselves & once you realise that, you'll feel beautiful on the outside. I have a bizarre dress sense, more than often my outfit colours don't match. I rarely wear make up. I'm seen as kid most time (even though I'm a young adult). I laugh at random times. I see myself as imperfect & I'm proud of who I am. A quirky, always smiling, happy go person who is always offering support & kindness whenever possible because for me beauty begins the moment I decided to be myself! I decided to be myself the year I started college. I realised that I don't want to hide myself from others or pretend to be someone I'm not. Since that year I've been myself. An imperfect individual who feels beautiful within herself & I hope that is shown on the outside through my kindness towards others! ❤

Beauty isn't just on the outside, but also within yourself! Find it & suddenly you'll shine on the outside. Love yourself & your imperfection! ❤

Changes

Anxiety has taken over, but I won't let it beat me. Today I did as much as I could & that is enough! 

Daily Motivation 

Change is inevitable. You can't stop it, but perhaps you can slow it down. I've faced too many changes over the years that now I've lost count. Some were big, some small. Regardless, they changed my life & from my time at college I learned that every positive change in my life begins with a clear, unequivocal decision that I'm going either do something or stop doing something. That was an eye opener during my 3rd year at college. When I decided that my health was my priority. That was when I made changes to my life such as accepting that I suffer from mental health issues like anxiety or depression. Or that asking for helping was necessary for me. There so many changes since that particular year which have been positive & needed in my life. Now as a final year undergraduate student at university I'm content & in a better place, but I still continue to face changes & I keep thinking back to those moments! ❤

Life is full of changes, you have to ensure that every positive change means you stop doing something or start ❤

Don't Underestimate Me

Monday have always been hectic for me. Although today could've been better without my anxiety taking over....I'll take a deep breathe & relax. 

Daily Motivation 

Often I seem oblivious, unaware & lost most of the time. That doesn't mean I'm completely ignorant. No, never. I may be slow when it comes to processing information or keeping up with the latest news or trends but don't underestimate me! I know more than I say, think more than I speak & notice more than you realise! 

You can be in background, that's fine. Don't let others underestimate you! 

Happiness!

End of another month. Can't believe we're nearly towards the end of 2020. Its been one interesting year & I miss going out...

Daily Motivation 

I love my life. I have great friends, an amazing family & no matter what life throws at me I keep getting up, stronger than before. There's no secret that I've been through & continue to go through tough times but I'll never put the key to my happiness in someone's pocket! I'm blessed, grateful & content with my life & wouldn't change it for anything! 

Never allow someone else to take the key to your happiness. It's yours, treasure it! 

Smile

I'm back! So sorry for the long unexpected break but I was going personal stuff. Since my last update I've been productive with my research report which is a nightmare to write because despite doing essays for a long time now, I dislike literature review. It's long & frustrating! OK, ok...Apologies for my rant, have a lot going on lately & I've come to a conclusion that lockdown is not helping my mental health...😔

Daily Motivation 

Smile! Its beautiful & brightens my day. I'm always smiling. Every day, no matter what I'm doing or how bad things are. For me there's a always a reason to smile, I just have to find it & I usually do. By doing what I love & being around those whom I love. My smile gets me through even the toughest of times & I always hold onto one reason; bad times don't last forever, better days are around the corner! I'll carry on smiling 😊❤

Smile! Spread happiness & joy. Smile even without any reason! Be happy 😊 ❤

Blessing

 

There's always a line between jokes & insults. I love joking around & teasing. But I despise insults. Ah, well...Ignoring such insults is best option! Apart from that, it's been one of the slowest days (although Sundays are always slow). One thing is for sure, I need to stop focusing on word counts for my assignments & just go with the flow! 

Daily Motivation

Life is often a roller. One minute everything is ok, the next chaos. Many times I've wanted to give up, many times I've said 'I've had enough'. Despite all the bad times, all the obstacles & struggles. I'm still thankful for everyday, every opportunity. I know that life can often throw so much at me that I find it difficult to get through it all but no matter what I'm going through, no matter how tough it gets I have trained myself to find the blessing in everything! I'm blessed to live the life that I am. I wake up everyday grateful to have another chance to do something new. I'm blessed to have a wonderful family & phenomenal friends. I'm blessed to have every opportunity I'm given to excel. I'm so so blessed in every way! 💜😊

Life can throw so much at you, you can be going through struggles. But you must find blessing in everything. Do that & you'll feel happier 

Reflection

 

Weekend's were usually filled with shopping. I miss that. I miss going out without being afraid. Gosh, I don't remember the last I felt like that...In the meantime, I made a somewhat productive start to my assignments, decided to work on two essays at once (not sure whether that's smart). As much I love my degree, choosing topics is still difficult & after 4 years I still dislike research 😂 

Daily Motivation

Whenever I'm alone, I reflect on my past a lot! More than I should actually. Which is not all bad because despite everything I've been through I do have some wonderful memories that I will cherish forever. Meeting my first best friend, completing secondary school. The craziness of 4 years at college, the awards & achievements. All those, I'll always look back on with pride. On the flip side, there are many reasons why I should stop reflecting on my past, the main one being I cannot turn back time to correct all the mistakes or erase all the trauma. Everything I've been through since I was child is a part of who I am. The good & the bad. My past has made me resilient & strong. I learned to speak out whenever I feel something isn't right & most importantly allowed myself to thrive without focusing on the bad times because when looking back didn't interest me. I knew I was doing something right. I was thriving, becoming confident & allowing myself to seen as me & not as someone who is disabled (I've been viewed as disabled for as long as I can remember). My past will always be with me, but I choose to focus on the future! 💜

Never forget your past, but stop looking back because you're not there anymore. Focus on your future! 

Never Give up!

 

End of the week & find the motivation to be productive & actually start working on my assignments...Nothing new there, although I'm surprised that I've forgotten everything since the lockdown started. Fab! Can't wait to re-view all my notes again...

Daily Motivation

Changes, challenges & struggles are part of life. They've certainly been a part of mine ever since I was a child. Growing up I was more aware of those, especially during my time at secondary school when I was target of bullying, had to deal weekly outpatient appointments & staying on top of my studies. The 5 years at secondary were definitely filled with challenges. College was full of changes, which is surprising since I did the same course for 4 years (too much repetition). Yet, towards the end of my time at college I started facing struggles which continued on throughout my time at university Those struggles were mainly trying to balance my academic life with the ongoing medical health issues as well as struggling to understand & work through my mental health problems too, All of which are ongoing, including my studies which not for the first I had to defer my assignments because of circumstances. I'm not going to pretend that I always have been strong or courageous, because that is far from the truth. I've hit rock bottom & faced times when I had realise that there's a difference between giving up & knowing when I Have had enough! Life has thrown so much at me & there were so many opportunities to give up or say 'I've had enough!' I rarely do. Why? Because, someone once said 'if you give up now. You'll regret it forever.' I'm glad I never gave up & I never will no matter what I face. I'll always be stronger than before at the end! 

Remember. Giving up & having enough has a massive difference. Don't ever give up, because once you do. You'll never get back what you lost 

Patience

Finding that determination to work on assignments since the lockdown has been difficult to say the least. Let's see how I do in the next few weeks...

Daily Motivation 

I thought my patience was tested over the last few years since my 3rd year at college. Since the time I had to deal with health challenges as well as academic life. Balancing the two has never been easy, but eventually I found a rhythm. However this year was a massive challenge in itself with the lockdown, health issues & trying to finish my degree. I may be a patient person as over the years I had learn to be patient (not easy!). But my patience continues to be tested since the beginning of this pandemic & what got me through the whole ordeal is that patience is not the ability to wait but how I act while I'm waiting! I adapted a new routine, gave myself a chance to focus on my health & explore my mental health issues further. Read from my booklist & just keep myself busy, to not dwell on the negatives. I learned to be patient, to just breathe! 

Life is chaotic, now more than ever. Remember to breathe. Take a moment for yourself & just be patient! Better days are coming 🙂

Focus on yourself

Had a fantastic day out yesterday (although it was a windy/cold weather). Met up with with my best friend & enjoyed myself! Although I learned that the more you worry about a situation the worse it'll get

Daily Motivation 

Ah yes. Comparing myself to others has always been a weakness for me & its no lie that there has been & probably always will be times when I'm jealous of others around me. More than often I envy them for having a simple & joyful life (although that isn't always true). I'm jealous of what they're doing such as working or traveling without having to worry about so much! Gradually I opened my eyes & realised that I may not be on the same level as everyone; someone who has a job or goes on holiday every other year or so but I should be grateful for everything I DO have! Focus on myself because it matters what I'm doing not anyone else! 

Don't be jealous of other around you, you may not realise that they are wishing to be in your place. Not everyone is perfect 

Appreciation

Messed up sleeping pattern, rainy weather & lazy days. Yep, all in all my weekend has not been productive at. Need to work on that. I have started reading a new book which is intriguing 

Daily Motivation

Helping others is second nature to me. My life is more or less a rollercoaster, not a day goes by without facing some kind of challenge.Yet, that has never & will never stop me from helping others. Whether it's my family, friends or strangers. I'll always go the extra mile to help them because when I feel appreciated I will always do more than what is expected & because I want to change someone's life. Even if it's making someone smile or listening to them helps.Than I will because knowing I made a difference is more than enough for me! 

Never fail to lend a helping hand, you never know the difference you're making in someone else's life

Reasons

Daily Motivation 

I'm a believer. A dreamer. So when something happens in my life, I always know there's a reason behind it. When people left me I knew they had changed & weren't the same people I met so learned to let go. I've lost count of many things have gone wrong in my life, I know that is because I can appreciate my life & everything that I have when its right. I often believe lies so that I can learn to trust no one but myself. That for me was a major learning point because I can ask for advise from all those around me. But at the end of the day I learned to make choices & decisions myself. Learned to trust myself more. A lot has apart in my life, I've hit bottom rock & on the verge of giving up. Slowly I learned that good things fell apart for me from time to time so that better things can fall together! 

Be a believer, know that everything happens for a reasons. Yet, don't always look for one ❤

Hope, Belief & Courage

Recovering from illness always takes a while for me. Thankfully I'm feeling a lot better than last week which I spent in bed & spent applying for jobs...Hopefully I get some responses. My huge thank you goes out to my friends for cheering me up last week. You are all incredible ❤ 

Daily Motivation 

Hope, belief & courage are important to me. On countless occasions I held onto hope when everything seemed to be failing, when I couldn't find the courage to carry on or thought there was no point. But I held onto hope, knowing that the difficult times won't last forever. Whilst holding onto hope, I find courage to keep going even though I really want to give up, having that courage gives me the belief that I will be able to overcome all the obstacles I face or have faced because hope is wishing something would happen. Faith is believing something will happen & courage is making something happen! In all my years in education life thrown many obstacles my way, but I have & continue overcome each of them with hope, belief & courage. All these aspects together make me a stronger person!

You go through life facing many challenges & obstacles. There often comes a time when you've lost the strength to keep going & when that happens. Hold onto hope, have faith & the courage to overcome any obstacle or challenge! 

Best Friends!

 

Anxiety

Anxiety.... Something which is difficult for me to control, especially these days. It's not easy & there's only so many distractions I can find at home. I'm more of an outdoor person, so staying at home is not for me...Slow adjustments. At least I found various ways to control my anxiety, a breathing technique helps. Try it, makes all the difference

Daily Motivation 

For years I was target of bullying, never really having real friends. Finding it extremely difficult to connect to others my age. Funnily enough during my time at secondary school I preferred to be around teachers than my own classmates. Strange right? But I felt safe with them I guess. It was either that or I'd hide in the library throughout my 5 years at school. Gradually, I learned to connect with people. At the end of my time at secondary school I made one true friend, whom today I see as my best friend, my sister. Flash-forward to college & I met two other incredible, special, amazing friends who today are my best friends. Those three girls have seen me at my best & at my worst. Yet, they never left my side. They loved me for who I am, a loud, crazy & often childish person. When I'm with my best friends I'm free to be myself without having the fear of being judged. Those three taught me to be myself, to love & most importantly to not let others judgement change who I am. Each of the girls have changed my life & have seen me through my darkest side, yet never left my side! My best friends made the good times better filled with laughter & jokes. They also made the hard times easier by listening to me, lending me a shoulder to cry & most importantly by reminding me of how far I've gotten! I never have or will take my friends for granted. I'll them support whenever they need it, offer advice, go on outings & make memories that last forever! Thank you girls for giving me a chance to be me & for putting up with me! 😂😘💜

People come & go in your life, but your best friends will never dessert you! They become family 

Friendship!

 

What a weekend! 

This weekend certainly has been a long one, even in lockdown! Especially with my anxiety increasing again & getting lack of sleep...Although I did enjoy reliving my childhood through Disney! That was fun! What's your favourite Disney memory?

Daily Motivation

Friendship has been important to me, so important...Maybe that's because ever since a child I struggled to make friends. To connect with children my age. Everywhere I went, I felt like an outsider & it does get a bit depressing after a while. My journey of friendship started at the start of secondary school where I met a classmate whom I'm still friends with, whom I'm blessed to call a sister. She's been rock through thick & thin. Since meeting her I realised the true meaning of friendship. I suppose you could say she was my first friend, but when I started college I met some amazing, phenomenal friends whom I'm close to today. I believe that true friends won't grow apart even if we don't talk everyday! I love my three best friends. They're my sisters in every way but blood! I had so many people come into my all throughout my years in education, but those three girls now phenomenal women will always have a special place in my heart. They have been by side through thick & thin. Those girls pulled me out of the darkest my times. I'm blessed to have them in life! 💕💕 

Along with family, friends are the most important people in your life. Remember just because you're miles apart or don't speak everyday doesn't mean you won't be true friends. Because true friends are the rarest of gems 💜💜