Happy New Year!! Welcome 2021!

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 

Where has 2020 Gone...?

I thought 2019 was challenging! This year has been a rollercoaster...

With agonising toothache for the first few months, it was unbearable & made it extremely difficult to get through my final term at university. And of course the never-ending hospital appointments...Thankfully I managed to avoid a few this year (phew)

March 2020: I had completed my learning at university

May 2020: completed CBT therapy

This year I was supposed to graduate, but ended up deferring my studies again...Guess, everything happens for a reason. I will however graduate beginning of 2021!

Not sure what the highlight for this year would be, as it was mostly spent in lockdown, which has been extremely challenging emotionally & mentally. But one the main highlight for me is coping with my mental health

This year was mentally & emotionally challenging in more than one way & on occasions physically. Looking back on 2020, I don't think I could've gotten through each day without the incredible support from my phenomenal friends, amazing family & incredible teachers. Thank you doesn't seem enough!

2021 is a brand new year, let's make it a year of changes & kindness! Happy New Year!! 💗💗

Been a while!

Since last post I was dealing with a quite a lot & mentally was all over the place...So I needed some time for myself 

Also working on various assignments at once kept me occupied! 3 done, 1 to go. Dissertation, the big one I call it! 

I will be posting as normal from today ! 

Doctor Who Anniversary!

Happy Birthday Doctor Who! Here’s to 57 more years of adventure across Time & Space 🎂🎉❤️

My introduction to Doctor Who universe was through the spin off series 'The Sarah Jane Adventures' Starring Elisabeth Sladen as Sarah Jane Smith. I was around 12 or 13, it was phenomenal! I fell in love with Sci-Fi because of The Sarah Jane Adventure, Doctor Who & Torchwood! I loved watching Doctor Who & I still do even today. It's a great show! Part of me wishes I could be the Doctor's companion or whizz around in the TARDIS! Its been 57 years of amazing, terrifying & brilliant adventures across the galaxy, can't wait for more. I love all 13 Doctors & all the companions were phenomenal. But my favourite Doctor would be 4th Doctor (Tom baker) & companion Sarah Jane Smith (Elisabeth Sladen) 

I'm spending my day watching Doctor who videos. Anyone else?

Happy Birthday again Doctor Who! 

Reflection

End of a crazy week, honestly it has been one bizarre week. Although now I'm bored & spending my time watching random videos online. I need motivation to start on assignments again 😂

Daily Motivation 

All my life I've been bullied, judged & discriminated because of my health needs. Labeled as 'disabled,' been told I won't achieve much. I've lost count of how many times during my secondary school years or college that I wanted to quit & if I was to say that it hasn't had any longer effect than it's a lie. Because mentally I've suffered because of all the trauma I went through. It took me a while to realise that how other people me is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves. I've learned to ignore the taunts, walked away from the bullies & kept going to prove people wrong. I'm not doing anything wrong, I'm living my life & doing everything that I love. Go ahead & judge me, I couldn't care less! 

Stop paying attention to those who constantly put you down, they're treatment is a reflection of how they see themselves ❤

Good Thoughts

This week started with appointments (again). With a messed up laptop, there's not much I can do. So I've been using my time listening to audiobooks. Have a pretty awesome selection 🙂

Daily Motivation 

I'm a positive person, always happy & smiling. More than often I have good thoughts or I try to anyway. Whenever I'm around people I let go of all the negative thoughts because I'm aware that if I have good thoughts they will shine out of my face like sunbeams & I will always look lovely! Good thoughts are easier to explain & I can smile through the day without pretending 🙂 

Always good thoughts! They will shine on your face & you'll look lovely ❤

Never Quit!

A busy week, but that's how I like!! Filled with appointments & assignments. Finished my essay & read an incredible book 😊

Daily Motivation 

Looking back there have been so many times I wanted to quit, many times I wanted to give up on everything. During those moments I couldn't see a way out or a brighter future. I've stumbled, fell flat on face, been through dark moments. Yet, I still carried on through everything. I didn't & never will quit. I stumble but I get back up & I know whatever happened yesterday no longer matter because today is another day so I'll get back on track & move closer to my dreams & goals. I know that despite everything, the good & bad, the horrible times & through my darkest days I can do it! Every time I stumble I'll get back up stronger than before! ❤

Never quit, no matter how bad it gets. You may stumble, get back up & carry on. You can do it! ❤

Past, Present & Future

Chilled Saturdays are always the best! I loved writing today & didn't realise how much I missed writing on paper since I left school. Take me back to the good times! 🙂

Daily Motivation 

I'm a reflector, always have been. Always looking back on the past, the good & bad times. Reminiscing on memories made. Never realising the impact it has on my present & possibly my future, so starting today I need to forget what's gone, leave my past where it is. Appreciate what still remains, focus on my present & live my life to the fullest! Look forward to what's coming next, I won't be afraid of my future. I'll take one step at a time & live in the now! I'm blessed, happy & grateful! ❤

You can't change your past, let it go. Live in the present & enjoy every moment! Don't worry about the future, it's not here yet ❤

Chances

Crazy last few days & yesterday ended with my macbook crashing & dying (not planning on getting it fixed again). It's time for a change....Whilst waiting for a new laptop I've been to audiobook & oddly enough falling asleep whilst listening. Hopefully that doesn't happen to me only, but to tell you the truth it has been relaxing! 

Daily Motivation 

I'm blessed to have had some wonderful opportunities, to be part of life changing experiences. Whether its personal or academic. Moving to a new country at a young age & settling into a whole new life is challenging enough, but with me those challenging kept building up. Towards the end of secondary education I was proud of everything I've achieved so far, unknown to me that it just the beginning of all the possibilities open to me! I jumped at every opportunity or experience presented to me because I knew that if I didn't then in the end I'll only regret the chances I didn't take! Every day I'm proud of all my achievements, academically & personally. I'll always jump to new opportunities or experiences! 

Grab each opportunity offered, go for that experience you want! You'll get the chances you didn't take! 

Beauty

There is nothing like friendship to make things seem bearable. I treasure my friends & their support means the world to me! 

Daily Motivation 

Perfection for me is overrated. I believe beauty is within ourselves & once you realise that, you'll feel beautiful on the outside. I have a bizarre dress sense, more than often my outfit colours don't match. I rarely wear make up. I'm seen as kid most time (even though I'm a young adult). I laugh at random times. I see myself as imperfect & I'm proud of who I am. A quirky, always smiling, happy go person who is always offering support & kindness whenever possible because for me beauty begins the moment I decided to be myself! I decided to be myself the year I started college. I realised that I don't want to hide myself from others or pretend to be someone I'm not. Since that year I've been myself. An imperfect individual who feels beautiful within herself & I hope that is shown on the outside through my kindness towards others! ❤

Beauty isn't just on the outside, but also within yourself! Find it & suddenly you'll shine on the outside. Love yourself & your imperfection! ❤

Changes

Anxiety has taken over, but I won't let it beat me. Today I did as much as I could & that is enough! 

Daily Motivation 

Change is inevitable. You can't stop it, but perhaps you can slow it down. I've faced too many changes over the years that now I've lost count. Some were big, some small. Regardless, they changed my life & from my time at college I learned that every positive change in my life begins with a clear, unequivocal decision that I'm going either do something or stop doing something. That was an eye opener during my 3rd year at college. When I decided that my health was my priority. That was when I made changes to my life such as accepting that I suffer from mental health issues like anxiety or depression. Or that asking for helping was necessary for me. There so many changes since that particular year which have been positive & needed in my life. Now as a final year undergraduate student at university I'm content & in a better place, but I still continue to face changes & I keep thinking back to those moments! ❤

Life is full of changes, you have to ensure that every positive change means you stop doing something or start ❤

Don't Underestimate Me

Monday have always been hectic for me. Although today could've been better without my anxiety taking over....I'll take a deep breathe & relax. 

Daily Motivation 

Often I seem oblivious, unaware & lost most of the time. That doesn't mean I'm completely ignorant. No, never. I may be slow when it comes to processing information or keeping up with the latest news or trends but don't underestimate me! I know more than I say, think more than I speak & notice more than you realise! 

You can be in background, that's fine. Don't let others underestimate you! 

Happiness!

End of another month. Can't believe we're nearly towards the end of 2020. Its been one interesting year & I miss going out...

Daily Motivation 

I love my life. I have great friends, an amazing family & no matter what life throws at me I keep getting up, stronger than before. There's no secret that I've been through & continue to go through tough times but I'll never put the key to my happiness in someone's pocket! I'm blessed, grateful & content with my life & wouldn't change it for anything! 

Never allow someone else to take the key to your happiness. It's yours, treasure it! 

Smile

I'm back! So sorry for the long unexpected break but I was going personal stuff. Since my last update I've been productive with my research report which is a nightmare to write because despite doing essays for a long time now, I dislike literature review. It's long & frustrating! OK, ok...Apologies for my rant, have a lot going on lately & I've come to a conclusion that lockdown is not helping my mental health...😔

Daily Motivation 

Smile! Its beautiful & brightens my day. I'm always smiling. Every day, no matter what I'm doing or how bad things are. For me there's a always a reason to smile, I just have to find it & I usually do. By doing what I love & being around those whom I love. My smile gets me through even the toughest of times & I always hold onto one reason; bad times don't last forever, better days are around the corner! I'll carry on smiling 😊❤

Smile! Spread happiness & joy. Smile even without any reason! Be happy 😊 ❤

Blessing

 

There's always a line between jokes & insults. I love joking around & teasing. But I despise insults. Ah, well...Ignoring such insults is best option! Apart from that, it's been one of the slowest days (although Sundays are always slow). One thing is for sure, I need to stop focusing on word counts for my assignments & just go with the flow! 

Daily Motivation

Life is often a roller. One minute everything is ok, the next chaos. Many times I've wanted to give up, many times I've said 'I've had enough'. Despite all the bad times, all the obstacles & struggles. I'm still thankful for everyday, every opportunity. I know that life can often throw so much at me that I find it difficult to get through it all but no matter what I'm going through, no matter how tough it gets I have trained myself to find the blessing in everything! I'm blessed to live the life that I am. I wake up everyday grateful to have another chance to do something new. I'm blessed to have a wonderful family & phenomenal friends. I'm blessed to have every opportunity I'm given to excel. I'm so so blessed in every way! 💜😊

Life can throw so much at you, you can be going through struggles. But you must find blessing in everything. Do that & you'll feel happier 

Reflection

 

Weekend's were usually filled with shopping. I miss that. I miss going out without being afraid. Gosh, I don't remember the last I felt like that...In the meantime, I made a somewhat productive start to my assignments, decided to work on two essays at once (not sure whether that's smart). As much I love my degree, choosing topics is still difficult & after 4 years I still dislike research 😂 

Daily Motivation

Whenever I'm alone, I reflect on my past a lot! More than I should actually. Which is not all bad because despite everything I've been through I do have some wonderful memories that I will cherish forever. Meeting my first best friend, completing secondary school. The craziness of 4 years at college, the awards & achievements. All those, I'll always look back on with pride. On the flip side, there are many reasons why I should stop reflecting on my past, the main one being I cannot turn back time to correct all the mistakes or erase all the trauma. Everything I've been through since I was child is a part of who I am. The good & the bad. My past has made me resilient & strong. I learned to speak out whenever I feel something isn't right & most importantly allowed myself to thrive without focusing on the bad times because when looking back didn't interest me. I knew I was doing something right. I was thriving, becoming confident & allowing myself to seen as me & not as someone who is disabled (I've been viewed as disabled for as long as I can remember). My past will always be with me, but I choose to focus on the future! 💜

Never forget your past, but stop looking back because you're not there anymore. Focus on your future! 

Never Give up!

 

End of the week & find the motivation to be productive & actually start working on my assignments...Nothing new there, although I'm surprised that I've forgotten everything since the lockdown started. Fab! Can't wait to re-view all my notes again...

Daily Motivation

Changes, challenges & struggles are part of life. They've certainly been a part of mine ever since I was a child. Growing up I was more aware of those, especially during my time at secondary school when I was target of bullying, had to deal weekly outpatient appointments & staying on top of my studies. The 5 years at secondary were definitely filled with challenges. College was full of changes, which is surprising since I did the same course for 4 years (too much repetition). Yet, towards the end of my time at college I started facing struggles which continued on throughout my time at university Those struggles were mainly trying to balance my academic life with the ongoing medical health issues as well as struggling to understand & work through my mental health problems too, All of which are ongoing, including my studies which not for the first I had to defer my assignments because of circumstances. I'm not going to pretend that I always have been strong or courageous, because that is far from the truth. I've hit rock bottom & faced times when I had realise that there's a difference between giving up & knowing when I Have had enough! Life has thrown so much at me & there were so many opportunities to give up or say 'I've had enough!' I rarely do. Why? Because, someone once said 'if you give up now. You'll regret it forever.' I'm glad I never gave up & I never will no matter what I face. I'll always be stronger than before at the end! 

Remember. Giving up & having enough has a massive difference. Don't ever give up, because once you do. You'll never get back what you lost 

Patience

Finding that determination to work on assignments since the lockdown has been difficult to say the least. Let's see how I do in the next few weeks...

Daily Motivation 

I thought my patience was tested over the last few years since my 3rd year at college. Since the time I had to deal with health challenges as well as academic life. Balancing the two has never been easy, but eventually I found a rhythm. However this year was a massive challenge in itself with the lockdown, health issues & trying to finish my degree. I may be a patient person as over the years I had learn to be patient (not easy!). But my patience continues to be tested since the beginning of this pandemic & what got me through the whole ordeal is that patience is not the ability to wait but how I act while I'm waiting! I adapted a new routine, gave myself a chance to focus on my health & explore my mental health issues further. Read from my booklist & just keep myself busy, to not dwell on the negatives. I learned to be patient, to just breathe! 

Life is chaotic, now more than ever. Remember to breathe. Take a moment for yourself & just be patient! Better days are coming 🙂

Focus on yourself

Had a fantastic day out yesterday (although it was a windy/cold weather). Met up with with my best friend & enjoyed myself! Although I learned that the more you worry about a situation the worse it'll get

Daily Motivation 

Ah yes. Comparing myself to others has always been a weakness for me & its no lie that there has been & probably always will be times when I'm jealous of others around me. More than often I envy them for having a simple & joyful life (although that isn't always true). I'm jealous of what they're doing such as working or traveling without having to worry about so much! Gradually I opened my eyes & realised that I may not be on the same level as everyone; someone who has a job or goes on holiday every other year or so but I should be grateful for everything I DO have! Focus on myself because it matters what I'm doing not anyone else! 

Don't be jealous of other around you, you may not realise that they are wishing to be in your place. Not everyone is perfect 

Appreciation

Messed up sleeping pattern, rainy weather & lazy days. Yep, all in all my weekend has not been productive at. Need to work on that. I have started reading a new book which is intriguing 

Daily Motivation

Helping others is second nature to me. My life is more or less a rollercoaster, not a day goes by without facing some kind of challenge.Yet, that has never & will never stop me from helping others. Whether it's my family, friends or strangers. I'll always go the extra mile to help them because when I feel appreciated I will always do more than what is expected & because I want to change someone's life. Even if it's making someone smile or listening to them helps.Than I will because knowing I made a difference is more than enough for me! 

Never fail to lend a helping hand, you never know the difference you're making in someone else's life

Grief

Spent the day out today. It was nerve racking since I had gone out after a long time. I was anxious & worried. Thankfully I had my music to help me. Its a good source of distraction 

Daily Motivation 

I have lost people. Some whom I knew & some who I didnt't. Nonetheless the feeling is the same, maybe a tad different for those people I was close to. But do you know what, I don't think grief should have a time limit. The people who think there's a limit time for grief, have never lost a piece of their heart. Take all the time you need! 

Grief doesn't have a time limit & it never should! 

Reasons

Daily Motivation 

I'm a believer. A dreamer. So when something happens in my life, I always know there's a reason behind it. When people left me I knew they had changed & weren't the same people I met so learned to let go. I've lost count of many things have gone wrong in my life, I know that is because I can appreciate my life & everything that I have when its right. I often believe lies so that I can learn to trust no one but myself. That for me was a major learning point because I can ask for advise from all those around me. But at the end of the day I learned to make choices & decisions myself. Learned to trust myself more. A lot has apart in my life, I've hit bottom rock & on the verge of giving up. Slowly I learned that good things fell apart for me from time to time so that better things can fall together! 

Be a believer, know that everything happens for a reasons. Yet, don't always look for one ❤

Never forget...

Interview day...

Looking for jobs is a headache, I've been trying since beginning of this year. Today I had another interview. I've never liked video calling, so doing a video was uncomfortable for as I felt self-conscious. Fortunately it went well 😀😀

Daily Motivation

I have met so many people over the years. Those who I'm still friends with today, those who used me & those who bullied me. Each person I met over the years taught me a lesson. My experience with each individual made me stronger & able to stand up for myself in the end. 

Despite everyone I've met I'll never forget the 3 types of people in my life; those who helped me in my difficult times are my best friends who have been by my side through thick & thin, been my rock. My friends are not the only ones who helped me, I also had incredible support from teachers past & present. Every teacher I met believed in me, supported me & guided me through my difficult times. I also met those who left me in my difficult times, abandoned me when I needed them the most. In those times I lost trust in people around me. It has taken me a while to regain trust in others, yet I'm still wary. Not forgetting those who put me in those difficult times. The bullies, the ones who called me names & discriminated me. I may still have the scars they left, but they taught me how to stand up for myself & to never to let them win! I have & continue to meet all kinds of people. Nevertheless I am respectful & kind to everyone I interact with. No matter what they think of me. I'll always be respectful & show kindness ❤ 

You will meet countless people in your life. Some will be friendly, some will use you & others may bully you. You should always be wary of those you meet. But never fail to be kind & respectful! ❤

Hope, Belief & Courage

Recovering from illness always takes a while for me. Thankfully I'm feeling a lot better than last week which I spent in bed & spent applying for jobs...Hopefully I get some responses. My huge thank you goes out to my friends for cheering me up last week. You are all incredible ❤ 

Daily Motivation 

Hope, belief & courage are important to me. On countless occasions I held onto hope when everything seemed to be failing, when I couldn't find the courage to carry on or thought there was no point. But I held onto hope, knowing that the difficult times won't last forever. Whilst holding onto hope, I find courage to keep going even though I really want to give up, having that courage gives me the belief that I will be able to overcome all the obstacles I face or have faced because hope is wishing something would happen. Faith is believing something will happen & courage is making something happen! In all my years in education life thrown many obstacles my way, but I have & continue overcome each of them with hope, belief & courage. All these aspects together make me a stronger person!

You go through life facing many challenges & obstacles. There often comes a time when you've lost the strength to keep going & when that happens. Hold onto hope, have faith & the courage to overcome any obstacle or challenge! 

Best Friends!

 

Anxiety

Anxiety.... Something which is difficult for me to control, especially these days. It's not easy & there's only so many distractions I can find at home. I'm more of an outdoor person, so staying at home is not for me...Slow adjustments. At least I found various ways to control my anxiety, a breathing technique helps. Try it, makes all the difference

Daily Motivation 

For years I was target of bullying, never really having real friends. Finding it extremely difficult to connect to others my age. Funnily enough during my time at secondary school I preferred to be around teachers than my own classmates. Strange right? But I felt safe with them I guess. It was either that or I'd hide in the library throughout my 5 years at school. Gradually, I learned to connect with people. At the end of my time at secondary school I made one true friend, whom today I see as my best friend, my sister. Flash-forward to college & I met two other incredible, special, amazing friends who today are my best friends. Those three girls have seen me at my best & at my worst. Yet, they never left my side. They loved me for who I am, a loud, crazy & often childish person. When I'm with my best friends I'm free to be myself without having the fear of being judged. Those three taught me to be myself, to love & most importantly to not let others judgement change who I am. Each of the girls have changed my life & have seen me through my darkest side, yet never left my side! My best friends made the good times better filled with laughter & jokes. They also made the hard times easier by listening to me, lending me a shoulder to cry & most importantly by reminding me of how far I've gotten! I never have or will take my friends for granted. I'll them support whenever they need it, offer advice, go on outings & make memories that last forever! Thank you girls for giving me a chance to be me & for putting up with me! 😂😘💜

People come & go in your life, but your best friends will never dessert you! They become family 

Friendship!

 

What a weekend! 

This weekend certainly has been a long one, even in lockdown! Especially with my anxiety increasing again & getting lack of sleep...Although I did enjoy reliving my childhood through Disney! That was fun! What's your favourite Disney memory?

Daily Motivation

Friendship has been important to me, so important...Maybe that's because ever since a child I struggled to make friends. To connect with children my age. Everywhere I went, I felt like an outsider & it does get a bit depressing after a while. My journey of friendship started at the start of secondary school where I met a classmate whom I'm still friends with, whom I'm blessed to call a sister. She's been rock through thick & thin. Since meeting her I realised the true meaning of friendship. I suppose you could say she was my first friend, but when I started college I met some amazing, phenomenal friends whom I'm close to today. I believe that true friends won't grow apart even if we don't talk everyday! I love my three best friends. They're my sisters in every way but blood! I had so many people come into my all throughout my years in education, but those three girls now phenomenal women will always have a special place in my heart. They have been by side through thick & thin. Those girls pulled me out of the darkest my times. I'm blessed to have them in life! 💕💕 

Along with family, friends are the most important people in your life. Remember just because you're miles apart or don't speak everyday doesn't mean you won't be true friends. Because true friends are the rarest of gems 💜💜

 

Rough Days...

Weekend Fun or laziness

Thank goodness the week is over! Felt like the longest week ever, I hate being sick... At least a read a phenomenal book & learned a few things. It was interesting & I would recommend it, its called The Secret Teacher

Daily Motivation 

Rough mornings are part of me (most of the time). Over the years my health has become unpredictable which also impacts my mental health too. So, there are days when I have roughs morning or don't feel like getting out of bed. On those days I place my hand over my heart & feel it. I realise I have purpose & won't give up! That I'm alive for a reason! I may have rough mornings but I give myself a choice either to let my mental health control me or I overcome my fears & get on with the day. I always try for the option. Giving up is not in my books & never will be! 

You're allowed to have rough mornings, but you also have a choice. Either let that ruin your whole day or choose to focus on your purpose, goals & dreams! 

Magic & Belief!

 

New week, same madness! 

Nothing ever changes with my weekly routine even in lockdown! Ah well. I realised something, if you're travelling & can't find your way around using a map...Always look for signs, they're much easier to understand! 

Daily Motivation

Self-belief is what I often lack in as well as self-confidence. As more of a quiet & shy person I never fully realised my potential till I started college & even now there are still times when I doubt myself. Doubt my abilities & potential to reach my dream. That self-belief & confidence doesn't only lack academically but also personally too especially when socialising with new people, when looking for jobs & so on...I guess the biggest reason for all those doubts is comparison. I continue to compare myself to others, which I know I shouldn't! I am happy with being me, beautiful, unique & have a happy go personality. Have achieved more than I could possibly imagine despite everything I faced & continue to face! Magic is believing in myself! If I can do that, I can make anything happen! 

Believe in yourself, your own abilities & be confident in who are you because are unique! 

Lockdown Madness & New ideas... Daily Motivation

 

Lockdown Madness!! 

Ah. What a year 2020 has been & it's only September... Honestly I never imagined anything like this. This whole pandemic experience has been life changing as well as mentally & emotionally challenging! I've been in lockdown since mid-March & it has been one of toughest experience ever. As more of an outdoor & adventurous person to have my routine changed all of sudden was difficult to handle. Everyday I'd try & find something new to do (didn't really learn anything new). But I did start re-reading the Harry Potter series & finished reading some of my many books. Productive (I think) 

Lockdown has been the toughest on my mental & emotional health. Yes, Physically I've been more or less healthy. But I suffered more with my mental & emotional health. Having breakdowns every other week in the beginning of lockdown, panic & anxiety attacks halfway through. There was more than one time that I wanted to give up on everything. Unfortunately because how I was suffering with my mental & emotional health I was once again unable to submit my final assignments. Thought I could do them for summer assessment period. For the first time even that was impossible. So now I've deferred my studies for another few months. Damn! I was so close to graduate this year...But I learned a valid lesson, I could've given up throughout all those time that I wanted to, but I never did because I got the help I needed, reached out to family & friends. learned that it's okay to not be okay. Having an incredible support system from my therapist, family, friends & professors from university gave me the courage to keep going. During the lockdown having that kind of contact is so so important. Reach out to your loved ones or friends, let them know they're not alone. That is why I never gave up, because I had & continue to have such support & belief from all those around me. I found my courage again. 

I'm still dealing with mental & emotional health issues, but I'm so thankful that I'm no longer in that dark place, I know I have people I can reach out to. Remember so do you!

Daily Motivation

So, I have this new idea. Firstly I will be posting everyday, mostly in evenings & secondly I want to use this platform to inspire & motivate people in hopes of making a difference. How am going to do that? Well, I'm obsessed with quotes & sayings. Each day I'll upload one with my own interpretation of it... Here's an example 

Since I was born I have faced so many unimaginable challenges, most of which I would never wish for anyone to face. From constant hospital visits, operations to new diagnosis every time. Over the years it had a massive massive impact on my mental health as well as emotional & I never realised till halfway through college. That was when I opened my eyes & told myself that I faced so much including bullying & discrimination, yet I am still here today because I am stronger than I think! I am strong, despite all that I go through I see it as an opportunity to be stronger than yesterday! 💜

Remember life can whatever it wants at you! But you are stronger than you think & can face anything! 💜

Let me know what you all think & obviously I'll try to write more than that!...😊😊

A Trip Down Memory Lane...

Goodbye...? Oh no, please. Can't we go back to page one & do it all over again?

Nostalgia. That is what I'm feeling since yesterday when I realised that on 24th May 2012 was when I officially left Secondary School....

A lot has happened since then, the last 8 years have certainly been full of ups and downs, challenges, tears and happiness. This year however is also special for me as I'm graduating from university in September...

I'm asking myself where has the time gone? It flew by! 

Leaving Kelmscott Secondary School felt like leaving a home, where everyone I know was family to me, I know my journey for the 5 years I was there wasn't an easy one, but it made me into the I am today & there are just too many people to thank, even then I don't think thank you would be enough. I have endured a lot during my time at Kelmscott, was bullied, picked on & judged and if you ask me whether I moved on, the answer is yes and I have also forgiven those responsible. 

On the flip side I made a fantastic friend for life, whom I'm blessed to call my sister today, I treasure the conversations I used to have with teachers & to this day respect & miss every SINGLE staff member at Kelmscott. Simply because they not only taught me life lessons or believed in me. 

But it was the incredible TEACHERS who at that time pulled me out of the darkness especially my FORM TUTUORS & HEAD OF YEAR, who were my supporting pillars and understood what I was going through. I was brought up to respect whomever I meet, but as I grew up I realised respect is EARNED not given. Often during my time at kelmscott I was actually known as 'teachers pet' which yes upset me, but at the same time it didn't make a difference because it was THEM who listened, supported me academically and personally. I respect them to this day because of the respect they gave me! I firmly believe that teachers are like your parents, they know you and know how to support you through whatever life throws at you... But, one of the biggest & main reason is that every SINGLE teacher I met at Kelmscott ACCEPTED me for who I am, treated me as an EQUAL & give me opportunities to flourish & reach my potential. I may not have been a student rep, prefect or head girl (which would've been amazing), but I learned the value of FRIENDSHIP, RESPECT & ACCEPTENCE. Acceptance was an eye opener for me because I accepted myself as I AM! Accepted that I am NOT different to everyone, I do have complex health issues, but most importantly accepted that I can still thrive as anyone else would, regardless of how long it takes! 

My four years at Leyton Sixth Form College gave me a voice, the confidence to speak out whenever I felt something wasn't working for me or I was struggling. I had a blast! Granted doing the same course for years kinda lost its appeal (repetitive information put me to sleep!) 

I wasn't badly bullied and again I forgave those responsible, but I certainly met incredible friend whom today I love, respect & trust! They are my rock alongside my secondary school friend!

Yet again I met wonderful teachers whom I respect & miss to this day! The conversations I had with each teacher are those that I still remember. I can honestly say that there was not one person who didn't accept me or treated me equally! Because ALL of them accepted me, gave me opportunities & supported me during my darkest times. My third year at college comes to mind when I had my first mental breakdown, was ill most of the year & shut myself off from everyone around me. it was my FORM TUTOR who noticed I was in a bad place, not only her but also the rest of the teachers. It was that year I was persuaded to start counselling & have to say it was what I needed! THANK YOU doesn't seem enough for every SINGLE staff member at LSC...

During my time at Leyton Sixth Form I flourished not only academically, but also personally. I came out my shell, gained more and more confidence as the years went. Was appointed as student rep, library ambassador & curriculum ambassador! I literally thoroughly loved me time at LSC & will never forget the years & the good times I had! Who would've thought I would receive QMUL awards 2 times! I was honoured to receive a student award at the end of my time at LSC! 

Never did I imagine I'll be a student at one of London's top university! Being accepted at University College London has been my biggest achievement yet! I have many others to name!! I can wholeheartedly say that I enjoyed my journey at UCL Institute of Education over the last 4 years! It started out great, had a peaceful first year before the storm hit in summer 2017 & from that point on everything changed.... 

I won't lie I have met some great people on my course, but as an insecure person I never really felt as though I FIT in, even though BA Education Studies is a fantastic & interesting degree but connecting those on my course was DIFFICULT! So I kinda failed at the making friends at university, not exactly the person to join societies either (that's just me!) But that is not to say I was a COMPLETE loner! No! Eventually I made some really good friends & I'm connecting with people! 

I may not have had much luck making friends, but I have met wonderful professors who respected me, treated me as an adult, offered me academic & personal advise, gave me opportunities to speak out & most importantly supported me through the dark times since September 2017. I admit that summer 2018 I was deciding on DROPPING OUT of university as I was in a bad place physically & mentally, yet it was the professors who provided ALTERNATIVES for me, listened to my concerns &gave me full support to get through everything. I can easily say that the level of support I've received is still going as my struggles are not over, but I have feeling I WILL graduate in September. Again THANK YOU doesn't seem enough! 

Thank you doesn't seem enough for ALL the AMAZING, WONDERFUL, INCREDIBLE & INSPIRING teachers I've had since my time at secondary school. They weren't just my teachers, they were my MENTORS! No words can describe the respect I have for them or how much they've changed my life! 

TEACHERS & PROFESSORS 

   I would thank you from the bottom of my heart, but you for, my heart has no bottom!

Mental Health Awareness

It's okay to not be okay...

I know that Mental Health Awareness Week has just passed, but I've been dealing with personal issues...

As a kid and during my teen years I never really paid attention to mental heath as much as I should've, it all started during my third year at college & since then I have been more aware about my mental health and how it impacts my life. Granted I never really paid close attention to the various signs until about 3 years go. That being said I'm still learning, I'm on journey that is one of the difficult ones in my life, it has opened my eyes to whole new world. 

Mental health. it sounds like another term, but if you dig deep there's a whole new meaning.... Every single person is suffering from anxiety, depressing, stress and so on. Often you don't realise it, why? Because it's not something you can SEE! Those suffering find ways to find ways to hide their issues for reasons, the common one being no one would understand. That is one that I relate to because not many  people know I suffer with mental heath. I never recognised the signs at first either, but during my third year at college I had my first ever mental breakdown, everything just got too much, but I tried to hide that fact I was suffering due to fear and judgment. I learned a valid lesson from that. DON'T HIDE! SPEAK OUT, LET PEOPLE KNOW YOU ARE SUFFERING, GET THE RIGHT SUPPORT YOU NEED! 

Eventually I did start counselling & honestly it changed my life, it pulled me out of the darkness, I was able to uncover many missing pieces of my behaviour and attitude towards a lot of what I face in my life. I guess, in other words I had a lot trauma from my childhood and teen years which I just pushed down & never spoke about.... That's another lesson I learnt, yes speaking to someone about your life & everything you've been through is NEVER EASY! Especially to a complete stranger you don't know or trust, but I can honestly say that first all it gets easy, you start slow, get to know the person & trust them. Secondly, speaking to a complete stranger is often a better option than speaking to a family member or friend. You avoid judgemental remarks and people pitying you or in my case telling you that it's all in your head and none of what you are through is real....

Now years later I'm working with CBT therapist & I have been since November last year. CBT has helped me immensely! Whilst doing that I speak frequently and openly with my close friends and professors at university whenever I'm struggling

Over the years and I'm learning to have a better understanding about my mental health and the importance of never suffering alone! I'm not going to lie, there's so much I have yet to face because I kept pushing away all my emotions out of fear. Yet, since 2017 I have faced more than I imagined in terms of mental health issues and throughout it out I picked up a few tips:

- NEVER SUFFER ALONE 

- TALKING ABOUT IT HELPS 

- DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP OR TELL SOMEONE YOU ARE STRUGGLING 

- LET GO OF ALL YOUR EMOTIONS, DON'T KEEP PUSHING THEM AWAY (you'll feel a lot better) 

- WHENEVER YOU GOING THROUGH TOUGH TIMES, SPEAK TO THOSE YOU TRUST (Family, friends, teachers, therapists or even nurses) 

- YOU DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO PUT ON A BRAVE FACE

- MOST IMPORTANTLY, LET GO OF ALL THE THINGS YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER OR CANNOT CHANGE (you will have less to worry about)

Have to say, most of these I don't follow often, I'm still learning to! But honestly for me what really helps is speaking to people, particularly my close friends, teachers & my therapist. I won't say family because of a simple reason that they do not understand, no matter how many times I've explained.... 

I suffer with anxiety and depression. I have panic attacks, I'm someone who over worriers a lot! I stress about little things, I often take comments about me seriously. All these combined are what makes me an insecure person, I have many many insecurities. My self-belief has been shattered more times than I can count. There's no lie I seek reassurance from people around me, but at the end of the day it helps me build my confidence, but often I'm guilty of continuously bugging people, even though I shouldn't! 

See, mental health is not something you can work through in day, week, month or even a year. There may be times that you may be able to work through it within a certain length of time, but if you are like me who has experienced trauma and continues to, then there's a chance you be dealing with mental health issues for a very long time! I used to be ashamed of them & I still am. Hence why not many people are aware of my anxiety or depression. But do you know what? I won't be ashamed! Having anxiety or depression, dealing with a variety of mental health issues DOES NOT MAKE ME A DIFFERENT PERSON, NEITHER DOES IT MEAN THAT I'M LOOSING MY MIND!! I suffer with medical conditions which are chronic & lifelong, I won't be ashamed of having anxiety and or depression, neither will I be ashamed of having insecurities! 

I'm gradually learning to not hide my emotions. Even with all the support I have I still have a long way to go. My journey isn't over, it has just begun and I'm willing to keep going! One of the most important lessons I learned over the year is that my mental health is as important as my medical health issues! 

Remember! 

•  Mental Health is as IMPORTANT as your physical, medical or any health issue!
•  ASK FOR HELP! Don't be afraid there are a variety of people you can reach out to 
•  NEVER hide your emotions, it'll just overwhelm you!
•  Do things you LOVE! Never let someone tell you to change your ways, if it makes you happy then keep doing what you love. Read a book, watch movies that make you laugh
•  NEVER let your life overtake you, remember to give yourself breaks. Looking after yourself & ensuring you are healthy not only physically, but also MENTALLY & EMOTIONALLY is  far IMPORTANT than your work, studies or other commitments. All of which I believe can re-do or get back. But not your health!
•  NEVER be ashamed of having mental health issues, it doesn't make you any less of you person! It actually makes you a STRONGER & BRAVER person! 
  

It's my Birthday!! (24)

Happy 24th Birthday to Meeeeee 🎂🎂🎂🎉🎉🎉

You'd think as I get older I wouldn't be as excited but no. This day is always special to me, no matter how old I get 😊😊

Looking back this year has gone by so fast, it feels like only yesterday I was 23. Where has the time gone!?

It has been a wild ride since last year, I ended up in hospital on 30th April 2019 for 2 weeks, spent my summer working on my late summer assignments & finally sat my Policy & Politics in Education exam (I passed everything!!) 

In September 2019 I began my final year at university & it has been a brilliant last year 

One of the biggest challenges I faced over the year was dealing with my mental health issues & I'm so so grateful for the support I've received from my family, friends & from the university that I can confidently say that I'm doing a lot better than I was a year ago. It's a slow progress overcoming everything, but I will 😊

It has certainly been a wild ride & never did I ever imagine to be where I am today, 24 & finally graduating from university with an undergraduate degree, it's phenomenal!!

I'm taking this chance to say a massive massive thank you to my family, my friends & everyone from university who has supported me through everything, who made me smile during the bad times & mostly important who gave me hope for the future. Thank you all, you incredible people!!

Here's to the next chapter of my life!! ❷❹🎂🎂🎉🎉💜💜

The last four years has changed me as a person, I learnt more about myself as I went to university & now looking back those years I'm grateful for because I learnt to let go of the things I cannot control, learnt to enjoy my life, ask for help, never feel guilty about using the support I've been given & most important I learnt to look after my mental health. Speak out when I'm struggling & not hold back. I made new friends at my time at university & met people who have shaped my life. Looking back now, I went from a shy, self-conscious girl to a young confident woman who yes still has many insecurities but thanks to my amazing, wonderful & special friends well as the professors at university not to mention my family who have been with me on this journey & lifted me up when I lost hope. 

Today maybe another day, but it is special to me & no matter how old I may get my personality will never change. 

I am someone who is willing to help out whenever I can 

I am kind-hearted person, someone who never wants to hurt anyone 

A lot of times I may act childish or often people think I'm not mature (I am!!)

I am a book nerd (even I take forever to read a book) 

My love for Harry Potter will never end (enough with the complaints!)

I love the Doctor Who universe, it's fantastic & The Sarah Jane Adventures will always be favourite show. Now I'm also adding Torchwood to that list (it's phenomenal!)

Age for me is just a number

I'll never change for anyone because I'm enjoying my life as I'm living it & if someone doesn't like that, they can leave. 

Until you step into my shoes & go through everything that I have, don't judge me

I am imperfect, I have flaws, I make mistakes. But do you know what? All my qualities, my quirks make me stand out & I love it! I love myself, I'm enjoying life & I'm happy!! 💜💜

Remembering Elisabeth Sladen

''Have you met Miss Smith? She's my best friend'' -The Doctor

Everyone needs a role model & an inspiration in their life. Yes I have had the pleasure of meeting & knowing some brilliant & amazing woman over the years and I have read books by phenomenal authors such as J.K.Rowling

Yet, my TV role model from my teen years to this day is Elisabeth Clara Heath Sladen 

I remember my first memory of watching Lis on TV. I was around 12 or 13 & whilst flicking through the channels I found The Sarah Jane Adventures. If I'm correct it was the episode; Temptation of Sarah Jane Smith, one of the moving episode throughout the series. From that point onwards I fell in love with the show & it was the perfect time for me because I was going through tough times at school & to back home to watch SJA on TV was just my highlight of the week. Lis's performance captured me from that time I was flicking through channels...

Sarah Jane Smith was a massive part of my childhood, namely teen years & growing up Lis was my role model. To this day she's my inspiration & I miss her dearly. My introduction to the world of Doctor Who was through The Sarah Jane Adventures & I have watched every episode of Classic Who & new Who with Lis 

Elisabeth's portrayal of Sarah Jane Smith captured & impacted generations of children & adults alike, and Elisabeth herself had been described as a fiercely kind & cherished woman by her fellow cast 

A few of my favourite lines from Miss Smith...

''Life on earth can be an adventure too... You just need to know where to look!'' 

''I don't care what people think of me. Never have'' 

''The universe has to move forward. Pain and loss, the define us as much as happiness or love. whether it's a world or a relationship, everything has it's time. And everything ends''

''I wouldn't have missed it for the world!''

''Bye, Doctor. You know, travel really does broaden the mind''

''Some things are worth getting your heart broken for''

''I'm a journalist, Sarah Jane Smith''

''Call me old girl again and I'll spit in your eye''

''Don't forget me''

''Now just wait a minute. There's nothing 'only' about being a girl. Your Majesty''

''I learned a long time ago that, if you're missing somebody, just look up at the night sky. Whoever it is, wherever they are, chances are they're looking at the stars just like you. Sometimes for all of its size the universe isn't such a big place after all'' 

Farewell Sarah Jane Smith! 

Never Forgotten ❤❤

Hello!! I'm back!

A massive hello to all my readers! I sincerely hope you are all staying home & staying safe during these crazy times! 

Since new year I have been dealing with a lot personal issues, hospital appointments & university assignments. Actually never imagined this is how I would complete my final year at university. Bizarre !! 

I've been home over a month now & honestly keeping myself occupied with reading is just the best idea ever! Either that or just binge watching 

From today I will try & post every week or so, no promises since I'm the middle of working on my dissertation which I have to say is going pretty well, apart from the increasing number of drafts I'm confident that this piece of work will be my best by far 😃

Stay safe!

Happy New Year!! Welcome 2020!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Ok... I know I'm late, its nearly end of January but oh well...

Another year has gone.... 😊😊😊

2019 was a challenging year, more so than last year 🙂

Right from the start, this was not a calm year, but the opposite. With increasing outpatient appointments, leading to actually being admitted to the hospital at the end of April.

One of the biggest challenges of this year was my mental health. To say that someone has recovered from everything they have faced is a lie & I realized that this year.

Throughout the struggle, I managed to complete my 2nd-year repeat at uni, with complete late summer assessments plus the exam I missed last year & passing everything despite struggling to focus on the tasks.

So much has happened this year that it feels everything is jumbled up mess, yet a few highlights for me would be;

August 2019: Finished all late summer assessments & passing every single one
October 2019: Starting my final year at university
November 16th: Getting a part-time job at a tuition centre

2019 has been the most challenging year for me in every aspect & I don't think I would've gotten through everything without the support from my family, friends & teachers ❤️❤️

It's easier to give up through tough times, but harder to carry on. I chose to carry on & surprised myself along the way 😃😃

Tomorrow's the start of another year. Page 1 of 365 days. I'll make it a good one 🙂🙂

Happy New Year Everyone!