Birthday Post (23)

Happy 23rd Birthday To Me!! 🎂

Whaaat! 23!? Where has the time gone!?

Honestly, this year has been a crazy rollercoaster ride & it feels like this ride started the day I was born. Every year I end up in hospital or get to a stage where my health get's pretty bad. Which did happen sadly right after my 22nd birthday...

April 30th 2018: I was back at Whipps Cross hospital this time with more than one diagnoses, but the first week I was fighting a sepsis infection (made a fully recovery) & the week second was just a nightmare

& I was so happy when they discharged 😂

The rest of the summer I spent still in agony & unfortuntely because I was in hospital at the times of examination period i missed my Policy exam & unless I was planning to end up in hospital again I chose to repeat my 2nd year again (boring)

October 2018: i really had a horrific first term at university, even though I was repeating my...The days just felt longer & I was still not recovering fully. In all honestly by December I had lost all hope & was ready to drop out because it got too much for me.

January 2019: Start of new year, new goals & dreams... In my case it was re-thinking previous decisions. This is when I realised I wasn't alone. My friends were my support & I have to give them a shoutout because they pulled me out of my dark depressed state. Luckily i didn't drop out! I continued with uni & I have to say my second term was as boring as my first...Well, apart from the two new modules I selected 😆

From February till March it was pretty much the same, I was getting better, recovering...But, by now 
I've learnt a major lesson. My health is unpredictable

At the end of March till now my health has been getting worse & worse, which yes has again impacted my studies. Missed my exam yet again & guess what? I'm back to chasing doctors (yay)Despite everything & yes I mean everything. I am blessed, I am happy & grateful for the life I have. I know it isn't easy, it never has been & I doubt it ever will be especially if I'm living with lifelong complex medical conditions

I have my family by side through everything & they are my rock

My friends are light in the dark, they're my voice of hope & each of them pull of out of my dark state of depression

People think I'm weird, that I should act according to my age & be mature (which I am)But I believe age is just a number I love myself & the way I amDon't judge me until you know me I am a dreamer & a believer I am a book nerd I love Harry Potter & J.K. Rowling's Wizarding world (it's part of my teen years & I'm relieving my childhood through the stories)i love cuddly toys (so what!?) I love Doctor who & The Sarah Jane Adventures I may act 'childish' but I really don't care. I'm not living my life to impress anyoneMy life at times feels chaotic. The things I like give me freedom & make me happy. I am happy & free being myself....

Education...!

Education, education, education...

Education has been a massive part of my life, despite everything I have faced & continue to face. 

As someone from another country with English as a second langauage I certainly struggled to fit in school life, but that didn't stop me from progressing further to where I am today & for that I am proud of myself.

Primary School
Starting primary school is one thing, but then having to start in year 5 was another & it was definite struggle for me, I found it diffcult to fit in, ask for help or make friends due to language barriers. In all honestly my primary school experience was the worst & I hated it. 

Due to having a terrible primary school experience, I was certainly terrified when starting secondary school for many reasons...


Secondary school
Starting secondary school is terrifying for anyone, but for me that fear esclated pretty quickly. Firstly because I had experienced rejection once & was afraid it could happen again. Secondly, I wasn't fluent in English & was still learning so I nervous about being around people...But I think my main fear was being judged & bullied (which sadly did happen). 

I started Kelmscott School in 2007 & left in 2012. Throughout the five years I certainly faced obstacles. Bullying, discrimination, judgmental remarks & so on. In all honesty there were numerous times when I wanted to quit school because I didn't see a point, yet at the same time I didn't want to leave...What do you do when you're stuck between two choices???

However, despite being a victim of bullying & judgments for reasons I never understood till after I left school, I do have many cherised memories from my time at school. 

I admit I wasn't a perfect student, I mean despite never having a detention or having 100% punctuality, I did have poor attendence during my my first few years at school & even though I worked as hard as everyone else I was never above my targeted grades (OK. Maybe, sometimes). 

Whilst I love learning & doing my best. I was also trying to fit in & since I had a bad experience of making friends at primary school I closed myself off from trying at secondary...It's no secret that I spent most of my free time in the library but at the same time that made me feel sad & left out... I wanted friends, but I struggled with that... Instead I found myself more comfortable in the company of adults, I think part of me just wanted someone to talk to rather than being by myself all the time

As the years went by, I noticed a classmate in my form who was the only person that didn't bully (or rather hate me as I used to think) & towards the end of year 9 I finally got the courage to talk to her...Honestly, I'm glad I did because now after all these years she's my best friend, my sister... She's my first ever best friend & never has she ever judged me, but accepted me for I am 💕

I sitll loved my time at Kelmscott because it made me who I am today, I developed as a person & at the end of year 11 I realised a lot... I Changed, I didn't let those bullies win, I overcame my fears of being different & I accepted myself as who I am & knowing that I spent five year of being bullied, judged as well as having two operations during all that made me even me stronger & determained to carry on with my education.

College

Who would have thought I would spend 4 years at college doing the same course!? Obviously, not me 😂 
Okay... I started Leyton Sixth Form College in 2012 enrolling on Level 1 BTEC Health & Social Care, leaving in 2016 with astonishing grades & unforgettable memories. 

Admittedly my college experience was miles better than my experience at Kelmscott & I despite the many more obstacles I faced in college which this time around had nothing to do with bullying or anything like that... The obstacles at college were more because of self doubt/confidence... 

Yes, throughout the four years I developed a lot as person, I was more outgoing, came out my shel, voiced my opinions (sometimes) l & I contributed a lot to activities outside my academic studies. I 
met great people throughout the years & some which I am proud to call my best friends...

But at the same time I was struggling. I was struggling to understand my medical conditions because during my first two year at college I began questioning the doctors at every appointment I went to & I think that just put on edge when I was in my 3rd year because it was a horrible year for me where I focused on my studies & ignored the fact my health was getting worse (NEVER DO THAT!!!) It was the worst mistake I ever made, but it opened my eyes. I realised that education will always be there...I could study at any point in my life... That's when I began to prioritise my health above everything else...

My last year at college almost never happened because I wanted to quit (history repeats itself), I was too scared to go back...But, I am so so glad that I went back for my final year because I learnt an important lesson: 
My medical conditons are lifelong & there will be times when my studies will be distrupted, there will be times when I'll fall on my face but no matter how many times I fall I will ALWAYS get back up! I am not alone, I won't let my conditions control my life & define me...

I absolutely loved my time at college, I had many laughs, many joyful moments & I wouldn't change those times for anything because they made me a better person 

                                                                       


University
Never...Never in a million years did I ever thing I'd be at university... The thought never crossed my mind during my years at school, I think it was something I started thinking about whilst in my last two years at college

Applying to five universities is one thing, but getting conditional offers is another...I had a lot of self doubt during the process & never thought I'd 1 conditional offer let alone 5!!? 😱 Now that was phenomenal moment & totally unbelieveable 😁
Yet, getting into University College London was the biggest suprise of all, totally unexpected but absolutely amazing!! 
Studying BA Education Studies at one the global universities is a dream come true & I am having a blast! 😀😀
Won't lie! The last few years have been tough, again facing obstacles both personally & academically, but this experience is nothing other than a total blast! 

All in all, education has been a huge huge part of my life & regardless of what I face I will never stop learning...
Here's my lesson to YOU!
Never stop reaching for your goals, never let anything get in the way of your dreams! Go out there & do something amazing today & always be proud of yourself!
😃😃

New year, new stories..

Writing helps... But so does talking...

Over the years I have faced a number of challenges, some of which have made me stronger & some which have taught me a lesson. 

When I younger I used to think many people had similar experiences as me or know how to be in my position, but as I grew up I quickly realised that was nowhere near the truth... There's this wonderful quote that I associate with; 'before you judge me, step into my shoes and walk the life I'm living and if you get as far as I am, just maybe you will see how strong I really am.' Everyone has something they're dealing with, no one has a perfect life but I guess some people are good at hiding that... I used to be that person and I guess I still am. 

Yet, that is not who I want to be, I want to speak out, raise my voice & say exactly how I am feeling or what I'm dealing with... But exactly how do I do that? I get asked often how do I carry on whilst going through so much, my only answer; I don't let my medical conditons control my life... Or at least that used to be my answer, now I'm not sure. 

I want to start sharing my story on here, writting helps me a lot! I find it easier to write down everything I'm going through/feeling rather than talking, Sometimes I am able to do both, but mostly writting is my passion & I want to share my experience of everything I have

gone/been going through, in hopes that it helps someone out there! 😊

Book Review: In Conclusion, don't worry about it - Lauren Graham

In Conclusion, don't worry about it by Lauren Graham 

Summary

"If you're kicking yourself for not having accomplished all you should have by now, don't worry about it. Even without any 'big' accomplishments yet to your name, you are enough." 

In this expansion of the 2017 commencement speech she gave at her hometown Langley High. Lauren Graham, the beloved star of Gilmore Girls & parenthood reflects on growing up, pursuing your dreams, and living in the here and now. "Whatever path you choose, whatever career you decide to go afer, the important thing is that you keep finding joy in what you're doing, especially when the joy isn't find you" 

In her hilarious, relatable voice, Graham reminds us to be curious and compassionate, no  matter where life takes us or what we've yet to achieve. Grounded  & inspiring -  and illustrated throughout with drawings by Graham herself 0 here is a comforting road map to a happy life...

Reflection 

This was one the best books I have read in a while! Graham wit & inspirational stories is what I needed over the last few months. As a university student facing many struggles in life Graham's words are my comfort & a lot of what she shares has stuck with me. Few of my favourite quotes from her are; 

"If you're kicking yourself for not having accomplished all you should have by now, don't worry about it. Even without any 'big' accomplishments yet to your name, you are enough." 

"Whatever path you choose, whatever career you decide to go afer, the important thing is that you keep finding joy in what you're doing, especially when the joy isn't find you"

              In conclusion, don't worry about it. You already have the most. And you're already one of the best 

 Graham writes from experience which I find fascinating because each word draws me in. This book is more than just a story, it's a guide for me & I absolutely recommend it! 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

GOODBYE 2018, HELLO 2019!

Last post of 2018, I know that I haven't posted anything over the last few months...Hectic times 

My reflection on 2018...

Whaaat! 2018 is over today as another year starts, it's crazy because it feels like only yesterday that it was 1st January 2018... 😮

The madness of 2017 continued this year...Beginning of the year for at least a few months it was calm, I recovered & had a fantastic few months at university & I was looking forward to a relaxing summer, that changed on the last day of April.

April 30th 2018 I was admitted back at hospital after having abdominal pain & the diagnoses still baffles me...I mean, throughout the two weeks they couldn't what the problem(s) was. Crazy. After spending two weeks there, I got back to completing my second year.

May 31st I completed my second year at university, honestly I was nervous and upset because I missed a lot this year & missed out on an important exam, oh well...

The rest of the year after that has been a fast one, it feels like everything is going by too fast. I started back at university repeating my second year in October & it hasn't been easy since then

November 2018 brought another change for me, a part time job as a nursery assistant working with pre-schoolers & toddlers...Which is suprising a brilliant role & I definitely enjoy it

All in all, 2018 has been another year filled with a lot of madness, from hospital admissions, repeating a year to finding a job. Aside from all that I made a lot memories, which I will cherish forever ❤️

Throughout it all I had my family & friends by my side & without them I don't think I would've gotten through it. Most of the times this year have been tough & scary but with the continous support from the people that I love, I feel less scared & more determined to carry on fighting ❤️❤️

2019 is a new year, let's make this one a good one & tomorrow is the first blank page of 365 book. Write a good one!

Happy New Year Everyone! Have a peaceful & happy year filled with love & new possibilities all around you!! ❤️😊

Book review - Still Alice by Lisa Genova

Still Alice By Lisa Genova

Summary

Alice Howland is proud of the life she worked so hard to build. at 50 years old she's a coginitive pyschology professor at Harvard & a world-renowned expert in linguistics with a sucessful husband & three grown children. When she becomes increasing disoriented & forgetful, a tragic diagnosis changes her life & her relationship with her family & the world, forever...

Review 

Having read the book & seen the film many times now, I can unshamefully say that every time I cry. I think that dementia, any form should be explored & what the author did is wonerful. Lisa's writing is captivating & powerful. It is full of raw emotions & beautifully written, every word I read I felt it. 

As a massive book reader I read numerous books, but nothing like this. This book was emotional, heartbreaking & a phenomenal read. This book should be read by everyone... Highly recommended! 

Back !

Hey readers 😊

Sorry for my absence, been super busy 

Anyways, I'm back & will be posting regularly

Over the last few weeks I've busy & inspired, so here are the few topics I will certainly be blogging about:

- Education

- My interests ( I have a lot of interests!!) 

- Book reviews ( one or two) 

And a lot of other things (still deciding) 

What should I publish next?

Hey readers!

Thank you for reading my last two entries!

Please leave comments for new ideas/improvements 😊

Ideas on what you would like to see next????

Leave a comment below & I'll see what I can do

Thanks for reading! 😀😀

Rabia 

Experiences

‘Experience.’ One small word, but can have a massive impact on people

For me, this word has more than one definition, my life has been filled with so many experiences that  I could write a book about them (not going to anytime soon!)😉

Every experience I’ve had has changed me, made me stronger and gave me a purpose. I would be lying if I said that everything I’ve faced has been postive, good or happy be cause that’s far from the truth. However, regardless of how good or bad a experience is, it always teaches you lesson and taking that away is what shapes you

My common experiences are in hospitals and everytime I get admitted it’s always different than last time. I mean you'd think that after all those years I’d be used to it, but no it’s always a different experience and I think that in way is great because you are not expecting the same routine and every hospital has various ways of treating patients. Not all my hospital experiences have been good and honestly I still have nightmares about a few, but I don’t think I’d be the person I am today if it wasn’t for everything that I’ve faced.

Sometimes you have to face your fear in order to overcome them

In general experiences could be good and bad, you can learn something or you can overcome your fears which will make you stronger 

Who am I

Who Am I...

I'm just a young women who is a dreamer and a believer
Someone who wants to achieve her goals and will do everything to do so
Someone who has faced many struggles in her life 
Someone who know's what it's like to be different 
I'm a young women who has survived a lot 
I'm a young women who has complex lifelong medical conditions 
I'm a young women who has special educational needs 
I'm a young women trying to get through life 
I'm just someone who wants to share her story and experiences 

This blog will be personal, I will be creating other blogs in the future. However I want to start off with sharing my story/experience 

I hope this blog helps people & my aim is to inspire others who feel like they want to give up because of whatever reason